Earlier in the year I dove so deep within myself and had an immense amount of releasing and discovering to do. With little to no resistance, I gave into these emotions, honored the process, and strung together as many words as I could that were most suitable for feelings that I did not think could even be described. I let them pour out of me and fill page after page. I found myself writing every single day, but this time I had kept it for myself in a personal journal. After 3 months of this daily ritual, I reached another point in April where I could not write at all - until now. I had dried up my emotional well – or so I thought. In this process, I discovered that no matter how much I thrive off expression and communication, that not all things need to be shared and not everyone deserves such access to my most intimate and private thoughts. Most importantly, sometimes silence is the most honest way to describe a moment, a season, and a feeling. This all has lead me here, in the now, where I am willing and able to share my most recent uncovering’s with you.
It’s only July, but 2018 has been the most transformational, liberating, exalting, year that I have had thus far. To be completely and utterly honest I have had the most breakdowns this year that have led to the most beautiful fucking breakthroughs of my entire life. A few of the most valuable characteristics I have become at one with is the love and confidence I have in myself, my sexuality as a woman, and the power of holding myself accountable for my actions and thoughts. With time and experience, I have found so much empowerment from owning who I am. And with this state of mind I now have an unshakable confidence. Confidence for me is not feeling as if I’m faultless - because I do feel completely imperfect. Confidence for me is at times feeling like shit, feeling alone, feeling like a mess, feeling like I made the wrong choice, but owning it. It is having the ability to be completely self-aware to hold myself accountable and find the lesson and silver lining from the experience. It is not about thinking I am perfect, it is being content knowing that I am far from it.
The more I radiate and honor this light within me, the more prosperous I become in all other aspects of my life. Being a woman and feeling whole is beyond beautiful, knowing my mind, learning my body, and what turns me on, and what turns me off is exhilarating. Not waiting for another person to figure out those things for me has brought a self-assurance that makes me feel like a magnet to those with similar energies. Everything I do, I do with conviction, with thought, and with passion. My career has never been better, my mind is clear, my heart is emitting love, and my soul feels free. Being at peace with yourself allows you to bring peace to others. There was a time when I use to wonder why past relationships of mine did not work, now I understand it really does take two. As much as I thought I was enlightened, I was not at peace with myself as much as I thought, so how could I ask that from another human? We cannot ask from others what we are unable to give in return. This year I made no excuses. I put one foot in front of the other to generate momentum and create change. I launched FEW Athletics, began following my heart with philanthropy endeavors’, put myself back in school, and continue to stay true to myself. What I encourage is this. Be okay with losing people in your process because often what is ahead is far more exciting and meaningful than what and who we may have left behind. It is imperative you never compromise your character to fit in, to stand out, to be liked, or to make more. Always make yourself a priority and honor yourself first. And most importantly, have confidence to do so because other than intelligence that is the sexiest thing about you. Keep in mind this journey may not be meant to be shared with just one person, but it is a journey to be shared with every life we touch.
Post by Michele Maturo